Being your own Bestfriend

• First Step Towards Acceptance

It might sound cheesy, but in order for you to be able to let go of your own imperfections and accept yourself as you truly are, there needs to be some peace within you. It starts with you being able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I'm happy you are the way you are, thank you for bringing me here." How many people do you know who complain about themselves? How often do you notice that their complaints are barely noticeable?

We tend to view our imperfections because we tend to be our biggest critical givers. Why can't we flip the switch, though? It's easier said than done, I know, but think about it. How peaceful would it be to go on for weeks and months and years without complaining about your best friend (you, in this case)? What makes you NOT criticize your friends or strangers? Because you care for them, right? Why don't you care for yourself as well?

• MEAN You and NICE You

I wish I could speak face to face with everyone reading this post, mainly because it would affect you more than just you reading it. But here we are.

I want you to imagine that there are two versions of you: the one that's always criticizing and complaining, and the one that takes it all and gets quiet. You are letting that first version of you take over — yeah, no, we do NOT want that. Take this second version that takes all the sh*t and make it the dominant one here. When you notice the first one taking over, FORCE the second one to speak up.

Let me give you an example: you're looking at yourself in the mirror and catch yourself saying, "Oh, I feel so ugly today; my thighs just look weird." Now is the time you let the second version of yourself speak up and say, loudly, "Shut the f up." And that is it! I'm not saying this is going to solve all your issues — it will not. However, it's a huge step forward, whether it feels like it at the moment or not.

Once you recognize the part of you that criticizes and once you are able to make it shut up, you realize how important it is for these two sides to go hand in hand.

• How Do I Get Better If I Don't Criticize Myself?

Let's be real. I assume you are reading because you want to be a better version of yourself. Well, you might think, "How is that possible if I'm too forgiving towards myself?", well, you're not wrong. In order for us to become better at a certain thing, we first recognize that there is something that needs to be worked on.

Notice how I said worked on and not negatively criticized?

You might want to lose weight, build muscle, gain weight, be healthier, learn how to cook, or whatever goal you want to set for yourself. The first step is NOT to say, "I'm so damn fat, it's ugly, I need to change before summer." It's when the other part of you says, "First of all, shut the f up. I do not allow you to speak like this. I notice I’ve gained some weight, and I'd like to lose it. There's no need to be b*tchy about it."*

I really want you to try that — to try to make that version of you shut up and instead view the goal you have objectively, instead of, "Something is wrong and I need to solve this huge issue, or else I'm ugly for life."

• Both You’s Working Together

After doing this for a while, you can bring both sides to work together beautifully. That's when the first version of you starts being nicer and notices things that you would want to change without bringing you down, and the second version of you takes it objectively and works towards the goal calmly and full of self-love.

We don't want to be 80-100 years old and look back at our earlier days and think, "Omg, I was so beautiful, how was I not able to see that?" We want to feel that NOW. We want to be able to be our biggest fans and biggest supporters.

It's like making your boss, who criticizes every single thing you do, finally shut up, it's like their voice suddenly fades and you don't hear it anymore. How peaceful is that?

• External Hurdles

Let me also be clear about something: we don't always have control over how we see ourselves. It's hard to believe we do when, sometimes, unfortunately, we hear stuff that we weren't meant to hear. What others say could deeply affect us. We want to reach a point where we can minimize this as much as possible. I'm certain you've heard comments from people you were close to, or even strangers, that made you question something about yourself, and these comments could at times be harsher than when the first version of yourself criticizes you.

It's not always something that is said. Maybe some of you got betrayed or cheated on, and that led to strong emotions and brought up many insecurities, some of which you already had and some of which came up when the betrayal happened. It is so damn tough to pick yourself up after such a situation, but it's not impossible.

We are social creatures; we cannot live without each other, and we need one another to survive. A natural byproduct of this is that what is said to us will inevitably affect us. The goal is NOT to make it not affect us but to MINIMIZE that effect as much as possible, so we are able to pick ourselves up as fast as possible, let go, and move on with our lives.

Step by step, it's possible.

Stay strong!